Adoption

OK so we are looking at adoption.  What a palava.  Interested in adopting a sibling group.  But it is not an easy process.  The want to know everywhere I have ever lived and same with partner.  They also want to interview relatives and have no qualms about getting my 80 year old parents over here, from Mid Wales, to be interviewed (Social workers don't skype).

The thing is, we already have a child.  This actually seems to penalise you.  They want a nice clean blank slate where they can get you to go on courses.  Looking at the course list that you have to go on.  What a load of bunkum.  The reason that you have to go on all of these courses is that adopted children are harder to deal with than other children.

OK, I agree to some extent.  However, reading the list of all the things that adopted children do, I can relate these things to my child and her friends.  All of the stuff that an adopted child will do and be blamed on their trauma, will also happen with children who are not adopted. 

It is sort of like the definitions of ADHD.  Reading down the list of things that could be attributed to adhd and, low and behold it is the same things that ordinary kids do.  Hmmm.

Also, aparently in order to avoid the, by the way your adopted thing when child is 18, it is recommended that you tell them sooner.  Fair enough.  But the guidance is to keep telling them and discussing it with them.  In short, you have to point out that they are adopted and different and not mine and that we expect you to be more trouble.  Talk about alienation and picking at a scab.

So back to the courses.  Some might be useful.  However, a lot of them are going to be a case of the social workers covering their butts.  Looking at the list of courses, they are trying to turn us into defacto social workers and not parents.  All of the literature talks about the problems but doesn't actually give any good advice about parenting.  What a load of tosh.  I am a parent and my child is happy, well adjusted and enjoys life in our family.  We don't keep telling her she is different or making excuses for her.  We are her parents.

There is an old army maxim that there are no wrong decisions as long as you make a decision and stick with it.  In short, you need to lead, not dither.  It is the same with parenting.  You need structure and consistancy.

I understand that it won't be easy, but a lot of the support and help I feel is the Social services ticking boxes and covering their butts.  Also, as well as spending months and months going through the selection process, you then can go from meeting the child to moving them into your home in as little as two weeks.  And, funny enough lots of families suffer difficulties.  Perhaps, and this is just me, you should cut down on the paperwork and courses and put more time into the handover process, so that you have a chance to get to know each other and address any concerns while still working in partnership with the foster carer.

I don't know, I just find the whole process unecessary in some areas, and weak in others.

Luck